What did the Premier League teach us this weekend?

So, most importantly, Manchester United finally vanquished their City demons when they hammered Premier League newbies Swansea in emphatic fashion, punishing their opponents in a goal fest...oh, wait, nope. 1-0 will do I hear you say, well not when someone other than Sinclaire is attempting to score in an open goal.

Balotelli continues to infuriate for two reasons. The totally unlikeable, arrogant, and egotistical Italian's understated, crossed arm celebration evoked the need to punch him square in the face, yet, on the other hand, he is such a caricature, it's hard not to laugh. The tank that is Micah Richards was somehow  bundled over *cough, dive, cough* by the flimsy, one legged midfielder Ben Arfa for a penalty, whilst Ryan Taylor should stick to taking set pieces and give up on defensive responsibilities all together. His mindless, "accidental" (keep your damn hands down when in the box!) handball was followed by his quite pathetic excuse of a tackle/clearance on Richards' prior to his goal.

Pedersen invents new corner

Steve Kean still can't provide Blackburn's fans with just their second win of the season, despite Morten Ganst Pedersen's best efforts. Pedersen (left) decided that it was acceptable to take a short corner, to himself, before crossing for Hoilett to score. Also, David Jones misconstrued a game of football for a game of Tekken when he attacked Paul Robinson with a flying kick to the head, conceding a penalty, of which Yakubu converted.

Per Mertesacker is every bit the joke EVERYONE except Arsene Wenger made out he was before he had £8 million splurged on him. Morison was gifted Norwich's goal after the man-giraffe lost the ability to think, stumbled over his own gangly legs and allowed the Wales forward to easily slot beyond Szczesny. However, man of the moment, Robin Super-Van Persie continued his goal streak with a brace, taking his seasons tally to what seems like his 1,000th, and once again saving Arsenal's bacon.

 Elsewhere, Everton called a halt to their poor start with a largely unconvincing 2-1 win over Wolves. However, Fellaini has given the Toffees a boost by signing a new contract, showing his intent to (most probably) take a huge slice of a transfer fee to a larger club in the summer...we all know it's inevitable.

QPR fought their way to victory over Stoke, the win largely owed to the officials turning a blind eye to Joey Barton's mis-timed tackling inside his own penalty area. "Nah not pens them lads" he quipped on Twitter, no Joey, not if you're blind at least.

Bolton continue to surprise...at being utterly rubbish. What happened since last season? It seems the hammering of Stoke the week before did absolutely nothing. In fact, it probably hindered them this week in their 2-1 defeat to West Brom, luring them into the belief that they have turned into a quality, goalscoring machine overnight. Rain check.

Fulham drew 0-0 at Sunderland...enough said.

Abram did it differently

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea...they've got it ALL wrong. They have a bunch of players old enough to be managers, and a manager young enough to be a player. Is Roman Abramovic 'the backwards man'? David Luiz, now there's a defender who loves to do anything but defend. Sure, he's amusing for the neutral, striding forward, hair bobbing all over the shop, getting tackled, frantically trying to get back for the first 10 yards, giving up and letting his team-mates deal (or not) with the threat he's just caused, and then doing the same again 5 minutes later. Not so amusing if you're a Chelsea fan, player or manager I would imagine.

And Finally, Tottenham Hotspurs on a hot-streak, their best start to a campaign in over 40 years, sitting pretty in third place. Adebayors double was enough to condemn Villa to a mid-table-off with no less than nine other teams, only 4 points separating them with 17th placed Wolves. Spurs look to have gotten it together after the Modric saga, and Scott Parker looks every inch the player England need in the heart of midfield. It's a shame then that he will most probably get injured before the European Championships, that or Capello will opt for Gareth Barry instead...yay.